Usually, when I decide to do something, I do it. I don’t give up easily. I do my best. But sometimes my best is not enough. This is a story about one of those times, when my best … ah, maybe that’s not how it goes.
I tried a method of self-healing, or healing, or self-help, or alternative medicine, call it whatever you wish. I don’t use labels anymore. It is what it is, and if it helps, who cares about the label?
Anyway, I really enjoyed it and decided to study it more. I enrolled in a course for certified practitioners, not for the sake of certificate, but because I knew the knowledge gained would help me and people around me. I dedicated quite some time, I practiced regularly (me, someone who seriously lacks discipline!), I attended the courses, did my assignments… And I liked it so much!
Until more than halfway through we got this assignment: name and describe 10 thing great about yourself. Things you are good at. Things you are proud of about yourself. Not what you did, what you have. But who you are.
I started making a list. I think I came to number 3. And suddenly I couldn’t write any more. For half a year I postponed my classes and joined another group of students then. Fell into rhythm, started from beginning (that was the request for re-enrollment), and… ah, there it was again. The same assignment. This time I, if I recall correctly, listed 4 or 5 things.
No, I never finished my assignment. Or the course.
It was not the only thing I failed, or didn’t finish, or didn’t do. But it was the one I didn’t do because I could not find enough great or good things about myself. In a way it will always be the saddest failure.
Don’t be like me. Find them. Look hard. Look persistently. Each day. Again and again. And if you find ten, look for ten more.
Alenka H., 2022