Giving and receiving

I’m getting weaker again. I feel it. I knew it before, I know it now.

Illness is lonely thing, even when there are people around. Every step in my life cost me friends, until nobody was left. Still, I have family. He doesn’t care. She does, but it hurts Her too much and I can’t do that anymore.

Maybe… Maybe the reason I give is to forget I myself need it. Or maybe the reason is hoping it might return to me. Either way, it seems I am selfish. I give, because I need.

In reality, I know it won’t change anything. I still remain alone with my pain.

How can I convince my heart to stop wanting, needing, craving?

Alenka H., 2021

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