Guilty

I’m guilty.

I’m guilty of loving. Of loving too fast. Of loving too much. Of loving too little. Of not loving any more.

I’m guilty of wanting to be loved. Too much. Too often. Again and again.

I’m guilty of asking. Of wanting. Of needing.

I’m guilty of giving. Of giving it all. Of not giving enough. Of wanting to give. Of refusing to give.

I’m guilty of trying. Trying too long. Not trying hard enough.

I’m guilty of giving up.

I’m guilty of hoping.

I’m guilty of being tired.

I’m guilty of wanting it all to end.

I’m guilty of feeling guilty.

And in the end the guilt is the one thing keeping me chained here. I wish, I wish it would be something else. But I’m guilty of being just – guilty.

Alenka H., 2021