I write about or to many things and people, but rarely about and never to Him.
Because, what could I say?
That our relationship taught me not to trust, not Him or others, but myself?
That I’ve spoken all the words long ago and even shed all the tears and there is only an emptiness left?
That I have no hope anymore? No hope for Him, no hope for us, and no hope for myself?
That, even more, I know it’s just my weakness that I stay with him?
That I’ve never been lonelier than when He is in the same room, but universes away?
That I touch Him because I’m so hungry for human touch, ashamed, because it’s not His touch that I crave – He is just the one physically near?
That I am sorry, so sorry, for Him and for me?
Alenka H., 2022