I’ve made many mistakes. Bad choices. Wrong moves. I’m paying for them. I’m not deflecting the guild. I’m not looking for excuses. I’m not blaming anyone else. I know it was me.
Life is always complicated, our paths partly guided by things we cannot control in partly by our own choices and decisions.
Sometimes we can see the next step, sometimes not. Sometimes the path suddenly takes a turn. Sometimes it’s so foggy we can only guess where it leads us. Sometimes it’s crystal clear and it’s all laid out and obvious.
Could I change it all? No. Some things were not my choice. I accept them. Live them.
But even the things I’ve caused… All mistakes always resulted in some bad and some good. Some pain and some joy. Nothing is ever just black or white. So even when I could, I’m not sure I’d change it.
Yet… There are moments I allow myself to be sorry. To feel remorse. To wonder if the price is fair.
And every time I promise myself to be more careful next time.
Is it good or bad I don’t stick to that decision? Because even when I say it to myself, even in that moment, I know I won’t be. I’ll give it all again. I’ll ask for all. I’ll go and take the step. I’ll make stupid moves. And I’ll get miracles and hurts of it.
If I’m strong enough, I’ll at least get poems out of it all.
Alenka H., 2021