Dragon’s Words

Words, written long ago or in the moment that just passed, carefully polished or done in a blink of an eye, while the feeling is fresh.

I’m not a poet, no. Writing is a way of healing, coping, surviving.

Some of poems were written recently, some decades ago. Many of them entered this world in my mother tongue that is quite different from English, having different structure, even some of features that don’t exist in most other languages. I do my best to translate those poems, but it can never sound the same. There are nuances of meanings, rhythm, taste… I can only hope the translation is good enough. It can never be perfect. But I’ve decided not to publish it in my mother tongue, I chose this blog instead. It will have to do.

Most of poems, if I may call them that at all, could probably be labeled as “love poems”, and yes, most of them are an expression of pain or hurt, longing, wishing, dreaming. Some are (mildly, in my opinion, but I acknowledge we have different criteria) erotic or sexual. If that is something you, Reader, find inappropriate or unwanted, you should know they are not specifically labeled or marked.

  • Maybe I would

    Maybe I would fight for more,
    maybe I would.
    But I’m too broken, too tired,
    I’m too worn out,
    and all I want to do now
    is sit under this tree
    until it comes back to dust
    and takes me with it.

    I pray for the lighting
    to strike once again,
    this time with fire
    that burns out the bones.
    I know, from the ashes
    a new tree will grow,
    and I’ll find my peace
    as food for it’s fruit.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • So many lifetimes

    So many lifetimes searching for you…

    I thought that by now I have payed off my debt,

    I thought I earned my absolution,

    my redemption, my… life.

    Another lifetime has passed

    and I’m still searching for you,

    each time more tired, each time more weak.

    Each lifetime a day and eternity,

    each life is the truth and the pain.

    Each moment too much, as I’m searching for you.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • I do not miss you

    I do not miss you.
    Saying I miss you
    could never describe
    what I am feeling.
    Missing you would never
    consume me so much,
    hurt me so much,
    suffocate me so much,
    kill me so much.
    So no, I don’t miss you.
    …
    Do you ever miss me?

    Alenka H., 2021

  • In silence

    There is peace in surrendering,
    comfort in letting go.
    Numbness is blissful,
    and easy, and calm.
    Where there are no expectations,
    no hopes, and no cries,
    in absence of feelings
    perhaps truth can be found.
    It may not be happiness,
    but that’s quite alright.
    No words left to say.
    In silence, at last, I can disappear.

    Alenka H., 2022

  • The warrior in me

    The warrior in me
    wanted to hate you.

    But she cannot stand up anymore,
    it is one wound too deep,
    one scar too much.

    Alenka H., 2022

  • Is it the truth

    Is it the truth
    If I never say it out loud?
    If I never confess it,
    Can it be undone?
    Hidden in plane sight,
    With no-one to see,
    Yet yearning for anyone
    That would make it be.
    It’s never enough,
    It’s always too much,
    Sweet little pain
    And masked tears of fear.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • After making love

    I hear you thinking so hard, she whispered, hoping she would not scare him away.

    I hear you listening to me, he answered, building a wall.

    Tell me, she begged.

    Okay, he gave in. What we just shared, what does it mean?

    What do you want it to mean, she asked, carefully hoping.

    Nothing, he answered, shielding and hiding and backing away.

    Then that’s what it was, she told him.

    To her it was everything but.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • Just life

    She yelled.
    I just cried.

    She made us gin-tonic.
    We drank.
    We survived.

    It isn’t a poem.
    It is just life.

    Alenka H., 2022

  • That woman

    I wish I was still
    that woman that met you.
    At night she had stars
    in her eyes.
    She was the moon
    to your sun
    and you were a river
    filling her sea.

    I am no longer
    that woman that you met.
    The silence between us
    is no longer warm.
    It’s hollow and empty
    and chill and it hurts.

    The words are no longer our gift,
    we no longer make love by their side.

    I will never again be
    that woman that met you.
    She is lost,
    to me and to you.

    Alenka H., 2021-2022

  • Stupid whispers

    Jealous whispers are telling me
    if only I would be thinner, prettier, younger,
    if only I would be gentle and free
    you would love me.
    If I’d use my make-up,
    if I did my hair,
    if I’d wear sexy dresses
    and tempting underwear
    you would love me.
    If I’d cook you dinner
    and iron your shirts,
    if I’d let you party
    and wait for you
    you would love me.

    Oh, stupid whispers.
    You’d never love me.
    I’d never be perfect enough.

    Alenka H., 2022

  • It’s only when you sleep and dream

    It’s only when you sleep and dream
    that I come and touch you.
    I sing to you when you don’t hear it,
    I trace your lines over and over again.
    It’s only when you are not aware
    that I come and caress your lips.
    I lie by your side and smooth your dreams
    and I cover your body with mine to keep you warm.

    There will be time, I know,
    when I won’t come again.
    Each time I try to stay away
    a little bit longer.

    You won’t know I’ve stopped
    sleeping beside you,
    just as you don’t know now
    that I come and share my love.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • If I were…

    If I were tiny and fragile,
    If I were gentle, small and vulnerable,
    Maybe you would take me to your arms,
    Embrace and protect me.

    I’m not tiny and fragile,
    I’m not gentle, small and vulnerable.
    Yet still I break and I bleed,
    I hurt and I fear.
    I long for embrace, protection and warmth.

    But I am not small, tiny and gentle…

    Alenka H., 2021 (?), translation

  • I will not

    It’s not that I don’t love you.

    It’s because I love you too much
    that I’ll never ask
    to be anything to you

    or you to me.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • Almost

    I almost want to beg you.
    I almost want to ask
    for you to hold me, love me,
    for you to make me feel
    wanted, cared for, needed.
    I almost want to say
    I’ll give you all I am
    just to have a drop of
    your affection every day.
    I almost do, just almost,
    I almost drop and crawl;
    knowing you’d still turn me down
    is the only reason why I don’t.

    Alenka H., 2021-2022

  • Hot mouth

    Hot mouth,
    blazing, scorching,
    hot touches
    burning my flesh
    and leaving your mark.
    Your tongue wrote your name
    on my skin.
    Now I’m yours.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • The evolution of feelings

    Hope.

    Anger.

    Hurt.

    Depression.

    Sadness.

    Pain.

    Resignation.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • If we cannot

    If we cannot speak the truth,

    isn’t all we have

    just a lie?

    Alenka H., 2023

  • I wanted

    I wanted a hug
    but it didn’t want me
    so it left me waiting
    until I lost hope.

    I needed hope
    but it didn’t need me
    so it left me alone
    until I lost myself.

    Alenka H., 2023

  • It was when…

    I remember the moments when my love died.

    It was when you said you don’t care.

    It was when you stayed behind.

    It was when you said you don’t want to talk.

    It was when you said nothing at all.

    It was when you said it doesn’t matter.

    It was when you said it is all my fault.

    It was when I talked and you didn’t listen.

    Each time a little piece died.

    Alenka H., 2022

  • Wondering

    With face so young
    and eyes so old
    she was looking at you
    wondering if you ever saw her
    or did you succeed
    in shutting you eyes tight
    so you wouldn’t feel.

    Alenka H., 2023