Not telling you

There are so many things I want to say to you.
I wish to tell you how I hurt.
I want to share my silent days and lonely nights.
I want to say I’m cold and sad.
There are words and tears I want to share.
I long to tell you all my silly dreams
and how I still remember all our songs.
I want to tell you how I need someone,
I want to tell you how I miss you.
Not anyone. You.

The words are caught in my throat,
bitter and sharp and sour.
They block my air and stop my heart,
they ask, demand to be said.

Yet I’m silent and not telling a word.
Saying and not being listened to would hurt even more.

Alenka H., 2021

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