When my eyes touched your skin,
I knew: I’ve never loved before.

My lungs tastes your scent and
no, I’ve never loved before.

I’ve never loved before there was
your presence under my sun,

I’ve never loved before there was
your shadow at my feet.

And now I know how to love again.

His smooth voice was singing
about thousand kisses.
I said to myself
“no, girl, do not cry”
so I just closed my eyes
wrapped my arms around myself
and started dancing
in my kitchen.
It was dark behind my eyelids
and it was just the song and me
and the dance was me
making love
to the thought of you.

Alenka H., 2023

Slowly I started talking to you.
In the morning, when I woke up.
In the night, the last thought before sleep.
I shared my victories and admitted my defeats.
Told you my joys and showed you my tears.
I had conversations with you
about the important and trivial stuff,
when I worked, when I rested,
and when I dreamt.
Slowly each thought had your name carved in it.
Slowly each moment was spent with you.

…

Now I took my time. And slowly I see, it was not real, just as this is not a poem.

Alenka H., 2024

You called for me
and I came.
I took off my shirt,
I kicked off my shoes
and barefoot I walked through the fields.
It was very dark
and I was so cold,
but you called for me
and I had to come.
Then, when I reached you,
you turned away,
looking at something only you saw.
I said “I am here”
and you said “I am not”.
Ashamed I returned
to my hidden chamber,
waiting for you
to call for me again.

Alenka H., 2022

I know I will smile again.
I will dance.

But if I ever start falling in love again,
I’ll cut out my heart
and die bleeding.

It will be the only merciful thing
I can do for myself.

Alenka H., 2024

The birds, the birds might be free,
to fly in the sky.
The sky is just vast and empty and lonely.

The fish, the fish might be free,
to swim in the sea.
The sea is just deep and restless and lonely.

You, you might be free,
to go away from me.
I am just broken and hopeless and lonely.

Alenka H., 2023

Convince me
that I am wrong,
that there is hope,
that dreams come true,
that love can… exist.

Please.

Show me I’m wrong.

Alenka H., 2023

I try so hard
not to know you.
I close my mind,
I shut my heart,
I silence the blood
that screams your name.
I run and I hide,
just to come back
as I always have
and I always will.
I wait at your door,
ashamed and defeated,
a slave to my love.

Alenka H., 2021

Come, come, my love,
Do not fear my warmth.
Come with the night breeze,
With wine and some bread,
Come on a wishing star,
Bring us some light.
I want to see your eyes
Sparkling beside me,
I want to taste that wine
Still on your lips.
We’ll feed the bread to the birds,
For we will be sated.

Alenka H., 2021

Don’t speak.

Do not complain.

Don’t speak.

It’s simple and plain

Don’t speak.

Just hide your pain.

Don’t speak.

You don’t have a say.

Don’t speak.

Stay out of way.

Don’t speak.

Who cares what you feel?

Don’t speak.

You’re not the only one here.

Don’t speak.

Your voice is annoying.

Don’t speak.

You don’t listen enough.

Don’t speak.

Just go away.

Don’t speak.

…

Where are you now?

Alenka H., 2023

There are so many things I want to say to you.
I wish to tell you how I hurt.
I want to share my silent days and lonely nights.
I want to say I’m cold and sad.
There are words and tears I want to share.
I long to tell you all my silly dreams
and how I still remember all our songs.
I want to tell you how I need someone,
I want to tell you how I miss you.
Not anyone. You.

The words are caught in my throat,
bitter and sharp and sour.
They block my air and stop my heart,
they ask, demand to be said.

Yet I’m silent and not telling a word.
Saying and not being listened to would hurt even more.

Alenka H., 2021

Take all away from me,
and it will preserve inside of me.
Give me the world,
and I will get nothing.

When I’ll drink up all of you,
then…

Maybe in inebriation I will forget
that I’m drinking poison.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

What is this between us?
Hate, friendship,
Affection, love,
Or just the passion of two bodies
Whose souls want to
Run away?


We are so close
When there are distances between us…
And so far apart, when we are
Side by side,
So we could touch…
Yet we don’t dare to.
I know why we drink together.
Because we both deny,
And only when we are drunk,
When we at least think that
The other one is drunk too,
We dare –
Touch, hug, kiss…
And more!
And then it is gone… all?
I don’t dare to break
This silence between us –
I’m too afraid
You are not denying
What I am.

Alenka H., 2005-2010, translation

After every day
I need a day
just to get over
the day I just survived
and to gather new strength
to face another one.

It’s exhausting.

Alenka H., 2023

Where are you, my love?
I turned every stone,
searching for you.
It’s autumn…
Perhaps you are hiding
below piles of leafs
of colours that burn?
Maybe, when spring comes,
you will return.
Cold, lonely winter
is coming to me.

Alenka H., 2021

You said it’s love,
and I said no.

You said it’s closeness,
and I said no.

You said it’s marriage,
and I said no.

You said I want it,
and I said no.

You stopped talking,
and I stopped saying no,

it didn’t stop you anyway,
it just stopped my heart.

Alenka H., 2023

Cold hands of emptiness
Are all that is hugging me
At night.
I try to imagine your kiss,
But the air is too still
And no heartbeat is near.
I look into darkness
And picture the touch
That would bring me alive.
My hand holds my hand
And I try to forget it.
I miss you so much.

Alenka H., 2021

There’s a price you must pay.

I said, yes, of course. I’ll give you my blood.

I don’t want your blood, she laughed.

I looked at her, wondering what more I could give. I’ll give you my soul, I offered.

Oh, my dear child, she smiled softly, your soul is already mine, and each tear you’ll pay with you’ll see: it’s not the cuts that sting, it’s the salty water that drops on them.

So I give her my tears, hoping that Goddess or Words will, once in eternity, smile to me.

Alenka H., 2022

Yes, I suppose I’m quite naive.

But what could I do?

No, you never lied.

It was never your fault.

Yes, I tried to shield my heart,

but with each word you got more inside.

No, you never deceived me.

You never needed to.

Yes, I wanted too much.

More than we had.

No, I never thought I had a chance.

I just dreamed of our mornings.

Yes, I am quite foolish.

I wanted my lips to touch you as you touched my heart.

No, I don’t want to share this with you.

I could never survive you laughing at me.

Alenka H., 2023

Dreams,
yes, sweet dreams,
but the sweetest of dreams
bring the most bitter morning,
after the warmest embrace
arms wake up longing.

Alenka H., 2023