For one more night
I’ll dare to hope.
I brake the chains
I wrapped around my heart
and I’ll let it sing and dance
and wish and dream.
For one more night
I’ll allow it to hope.
To believe in the magic
and miracles and joy.
For one more night
I’ll let it fly
free and young and healed again.

Just for one night.

Alenka H., 2022

Love like you want to be loved.

Touch like you want to be touched.

Alenka H., 2022

My poems are tears,
my poems are cries.

My poems are prayers,
my poems are pain.

My poems are me begging for help,
my poems are me asking to be heard.

If anyone would read them, they’d know.

Alenka H., 2022

You offered your body,
but I wanted your soul.
I wanted the flesh and the blood
and scent of your mind.
I wanted to taste all your dreams
and to swallow your fears.

So I’ll take your body,
and I’ll steal your soul
to feed mine with it.

Alenka H., 2022

Sometimes I lay on my side
and with open eyes
I make up your fingers
touching my hair.
I like to imagine
you are so gentle
and that that is the reason
why I don’t feel it.
That maybe you’re there,
silent, behind me,
with me…
Just so so gentle.
Too gentle.
I don’t close my eyes,
because that’s when tears start to fall.

Alenka H., 2021

For you, my love,
I’d make roses bloom
and sent their scent to you.
For you, my love,
I’d make the sun shine
and send it’s warmth to you.
For you, my love,
I’d create universes
and destroy worlds.
I’d make rivers stop flowing
and I’d move oceans.
I’d fight armies
and I’d heal dead men.
I’d bring you sugar
and make light.
I’d never leave you
and there isn’t anyone
that would be more faithful.

But, my love,
If you deny me, desert me,
I’ll be yours never again,
and my soul will leave,
even if my body cannot.
I’ll release my heart
and it will never come back.

I’ll die for you
whenever it takes,
but I’ll die because of you
only once.

Alenka H., 2021

Snowflakes are gently kissing my skin,
warm and awaiting your touch.
You said you will give me whole life,
now I must face this winter alone…
I’m lying here and waiting for the snow
to warm up my bruised heart,
to cover and heal all my wounds,
to fill my holes and my cuts.
My tears will become little diamonds,
emotions, frozen in time.
In long night’s cold caress I will sleep
and wait for the spring to return.
When birds will come back from the south,
I’ll ask them to guide me away.

Alenka H., 2021

I am heavy from all these stones in my soul.
For some of them I barely know they were –
time, wind and tears transformed them into sand.
Others were overgrown by moss,
they unobtrusively became place for new blooms.
But the stone that you are…
I’m trying so hard not to see it, yet it glows so much.
I’m afraid I will drown.
I’m afraid even more that noone ever
will know what kind of jewel
inside me were
you.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

You bathed in my smiles,
and when the tears rained,
you left me outside
so I would not disturb your thoughts.

You dived into my hugs,
and when I was bleeding,
you ran away,
so I would not taint your peace.

Alenka H., 2022

I’m here, by your side.
Together.
But when you go to your abyss
I cannot go with you.
Sometimes because I have fallen too deep.
Sometimes because I’m to tired to descend.
But most times I’m not allowed to go by the guards
that you have put there.
They say I have no entry,
that you don’t want me.
That I could go in only if you’d guide me.
So I wait for you.
I’m sitting on the edge of precipice and look into darkness.
I’m wondering, if you are sitting on the bottom
and are looking into the light –
do you see me, waiting for you?
Each time you descend into darkness
I wonder if you will return back to me.

Alenka H., 2021

Do you dream of me?
Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night
and wonder where I am?
Do you ever recall dreams
and wish you would still be there,
wish I would still love your body and soul,
wish you would still hold me?
Do you dream of me?

Alenka H., 2022

I miss you.
I know you see that I miss,
and I know you think I miss him.
But sadly I cannot, I do not know how
to admit to you how gravely you are mistaken.
I wish I would, as some grand poet, write to you:
“My soul longs for yours.”
Oh, but it’s my body that misses you,
my skin and my breath,
it is my thought that misses you,
my words miss you,
and yes, my soul misses you too.
I whole miss you,
and I miss you whole.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

I’m killing the hope
That wants to grow
Day by day,
Breath by breath.
I’m slaying it
With all my might,
Poisoning, strangling,
I’m burning it down.
And then I pick it up,
I bring it back
With gentle tears
And lost kisses.
Hope never dies.
But I do. Every time.

Alenka H., 2021

I know it’s not much,
but it is my all.
It is not enough,
but I have no more.
I hoped it would do,
but it doesn’t for you.
I wish it would be…
but you say it’s not me.

Alenka H., 2021

It’s nothing, I said.

Now I don’t say it was nothing.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
All that matters now is past tense.

Dragon, 2000-2010, translation

You reached for my softness,
I wanted your warmth.

With voices bitter and raw
we used no words.

My eyes clouded with tears,
yours closed really tight,
we only felt.

I tasted your skin,
you licked my flesh,
just to forget.

Alenka H., 2022

If I cannot compare you,
then what can I say?
If I cannot describe you
as smell after rain,
as fresh breeze of air,
as first ray of dawn,
as a cloud high above,
what can I say?
That I’ve known you for a moment
and from the first day of time,
or that I’ve seen you as ghost
too ethereal to touch?
What can I say,
if you cannot be compared?

Alenka H., 2022

I’m pouring myself over your body,
gently like moonlight rays,
afraid you might wake up
and end our dreams.
I’m not meant to be
in the realm of consciousness.

Alenka H., 2022

Will we deny?
And if yes, for how long?
Will we pretend?
Even when it’s so strong?
Will we just hide it,
as some dirty sin?
Will we suppress it,
so it wouldn’t be seen?

Or will we just burn
into ashes, my dear?

Alenka H., 2022

So what if I loved you.
Nobody cares.

So what if I love you.
Nobody cares.

So what if I’ll love you.
Nobody cares.

Not even you.

Alenka H., 2022