A blend of prose and poetry, diary and thoughts on life, universe and all in between.
Poems.
It’s not fair of me
to say that you’ve changed.
I cannot even say
that it didn’t show.
Perhaps it is true,
but it’s not really honest,
perhaps you did hide
and maybe you lied,
but I can’t say I’ve been blind,
I can’t say nobody told me –
I just wanted it more
than I wanted to see.
Alenka H., 2022
Don’t tell me lies.
Don’t say you love me,
don’t say you care.
Don’t say you’ll be here,
don’t say you’ll stay.
Don’t tell me you miss me,
don’t say any “us”.
Well… Maybe do say it,
maybe do lie,
perhaps I’ll believe you,
perhaps just tonight.
Just one more tomorrow
pretended to be,
just one time, this last time,
pretended We are.
Alenka H., 2021-2022
I cannot lose hope,
because I do not dare hope.
Only a wish remains.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
I would dance with you in the rain,
so the rain would wash away our names
and all that would remain would be Us.
I would cry with you in the sun,
so the tears would clean Us
and all that would remain would be Love.
I would stand with you in the most powerful storm,
so the wind would polish Love
and it would become Eternal.
I would make love with you always, everywhere,
so Eternity would become part of us
and we would become part of Love.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
We found each other,
god knows how and where,
and we gave to each other,
god knows, if we’d do it again.
A few moments, then we said goodbye…
There was nothing more, why would we lie?
Of those moments, I know, there was one,
when you gave me embrace of a different kind.
Even when I gave you a lot and I took just a bit,
I didn’t give you such one… I am sorry… I remained alone with yours.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
They say you cannot loose
what you never had.
They say you won’t miss it
if you don’t know it.
They lie.
I mourn the loss of you.
Alenka H., 2021
Your heart was beating somewhere above my belly.
I looked up to that tiny part of the sky above us.
Your heart was beating somewhere above my belly.
It was dark, that tiny part of the sky above us.
Your heart was beating somewhere above my belly.
It seemed unreal that under that tiny part of the sky it was us together.
Your heart was beating somewhere above my belly.
Yet, we were breathing together, below tiny part of the sky, us, together.
Your heart was beating somewhere above my belly.
Why did your heartbeat somewhere above my belly stop for a moment?
Your heart was beating on, somewhere above my belly.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
The fire in me
that burns for you,
the fire in me
that burns because of you
is burning me alive,
burning my flesh,
burning my bones.
Burning me to ash.
Alenka H., 2021
We were lying on the soft grass of our sheets,
we were chasing clouds on our ceiling.
As long as I was dreaming for both of us,
neither of us woke up,
not me, nor you.
Then somebody turned on the light.
Turn it off! I don’t want it.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
If I am water, you are ice.
Our essence is the same,
we are by each other’s side,
yet we cannot be one.
If I were too hot, I would defrost you,
and you would cool me,
when you’d melt inside me.
In the end only slush would remain.
So I prefer to be cold.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
Sometimes a moment
is longer than eternity.
Sometimes a palm
is bigger than universe.
Sometimes a river
is stronger than mountain.
Sometimes a heart
is too small.
Alenka H., 1995-2005, translation
You said I am special,
now you don’t even see me.
You said that you love me,
now you have left me.
You said you’d be here,
now you just turn away.
You said you are sorry,
now you don’t really care.
You said so many many things.
Now words are all I have.
Alenka H., 2021
And if I’m afraid
when I wake up –
afraid I’ll find out
the dreams were not right ones –
and if you say
you watch over me,
and I say
you do not –
can I be angry
because you do not defend me
from myself?
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
My birds have left their nest.
My birds of hope,
of wish,
of longing,
my birds of love,
of belonging
have left me alone.
I let them fly away,
knowing they cannot live here.
I’d never be what you want,
you’d never give what I want,
and love is never enough.
Not for birds to live.
Alenka H., 2021
I forgot myself somewhere high up.
You know, the colours are different there,
the smells more delicious.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
I was burning.
You were the torch that ignited me
and you extinguished me.
I was with you?
Oh, I was deep
and high,
lost.
While you were searching for me in my cavities
I dived into yours.
Yes, I was with you.
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
I got lost in the world that I built.
I got lost when I placed you in it.
I got lost when I wanted to find you in it.
Oh, as long as you have found me!
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
I told my heart
you won’t come back.
I told my heart
not to wait.
I told my heart
it was just …
It doesn’t listen.
It hopes and waits
and cries for you.
My foolish, foolish heart…
Alenka H., 2021
I’m gently sliding over you with my tongue… again.
Not for long. I knew
you would break and
press me against yourself
for me to feel it… all.
Oh, how I wish for more!
Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation
Come to me at night,
come to me in the morning.
Come for just a minute,
come for days and weeks.
My arms await to hold you,
my lips long for your touch,
my lungs can’t breathe without you,
my dreams are cold alone.
Come and hold me gently,
come and love me hard.
Come and lie beside me,
come and stay tonight.
My words are spoken for you,
my heart is full of songs,
my body trembles with you,
my life needs you so much.
Alenka H., 2021