If I would take back all the words
I have, timid, given to you,
would you take away this pain
that hurts from you, but it’s not yours?
If I’d collect courage
to, at least once, not run away,
even when I know that dreams will never be,
would you admit you are not here?

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

Your breathing was not hiding
what it was that you wanted
as I came in…
So I remained silent –
I was listening to responses
to my fingers
that you pulled to yourself.
As you were becoming hotter,
flaming in my palms,
I didn’t need anything else…
Your breathing told me everything.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

They see my tears.
Some turn away.
Some shoot angry glares.
Some just ignore.
Some look at me with pity.
Few try to console me.
Nobody knows I cry for you.

Alenka H., 2021

I’ve searched for you
through many lives.
So many futures
to the past that we had.
The promise of belonging
is with me ’till every new death.
Yet we do not meet.
I sense your presence
in tender dreams with no meaning,
and when I wake up
you leave me unwhole.
Are you looking for me too?

Alenka H., 2021

I grew,
 I grew because of you.
And by your side I became a small dot to hide
 inside you.
I am, what I was,
 I was, what I am,
But I am different
 because of you.
Who are you,
 that I find myself in you
and in you
 I loose myself?

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

I raised my head up,
Hoping I…
I can?
I’m allowed to?
I should?
I have right to?
I’ve lost my wings long ago.
Now I’ve learned
Even if I had them
I could never fly away.
I lowered my head.

Alenka H., 2021

You killed my sun
And took away my moon.
And when I still tried to go on
In the stillness of night, by the stars,
You blindfolded me.

Alenka H., 2021

My life has ended
Before it began.
I’m just a leftover.

Alenka H., 2021

Memories of the times that never happened
haunt me day and night.
Their scent follows me
and poisons every breath.
I wish I never wished you.

Alenka H., 2021

I used to write poems.
Now I just allow the words to sometimes dance
a dance so beloved.
And then I hide them, as if I’m afraid
they would fade, that the dance would loose it’s charm…

I used to speak them – the Words
that I wanted to hear.
Now I just listen, I eavesdrop on Silence
that does not wish to tell me…

I used not to dare.
Now I don’t know how…

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

Fingertips can never be enough.
My whole palms trace your body,
Every inch and every curve,
The valleys and hills
Of my universe – you.
You are inside me,
But never as deep
As I am in you,
When I dive into your eyes.
I let you in and I still need some more.
I wanted too much…

Alenka H., 2021

I’m only a mask, fake,
A twisted reflection,
A lie, pretend,
Because there is nothing in me
That could be seen
By anyone… anyone.
I’m hollow, I’m dead,
I’m showing the best
And even that is just crap.
There is no fire, no strength, no will,
And I’ll never admit
That the last remains I had
I’ve given to you.
I’m left an empty shell.

Alenka H., 2021

You hurt me again,
your emptiness hurts me.
You’d say: Why do you hold me again, then?
And I would know: I never released you.
I embrace you again and again,
even though you are in my arms from the first time,
again and again and again…
and it hurts every time
because my embrace remains empty.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

I’m empty and waiting
For you to come home.
I ache for your breath
To cover my skin,
My veins are too hot
And I need you to calm me.
Or maybe to burn me?
I do not care.
Just come.
I am your home.

Alenka H., 2021

Look, when there wil be noone to admire,
The sun will still be shining
And the clouds will still love the sky.

And look, when there will be no more sun to shine
And when there will be no more clouds to love the sky,
There will still be love
In the endlessness of space,
Looking for moments of happiness
To embrace it
In never-ending eternity.
And there will be us,
Looking for love
To find happiness.

But, look, when there won’t be
Anyone to admire,
Sun to shine,
Clouds to love the sky,
Love to embrace happiness
And not even us,
Look, this time will be really
Empty.

Alenka H., 1995-2005, translation

Where do we begin?
With gentle kiss on the cheek,
Or passionate hold on hips?
Or maybe somewhere in between,
Skin on skin,
Burning and ice cold
At the same time?
I reach out to you
And you touch me inside.
I gave you my body,
You took my soul.

Alenka H., 2021

No-one ever
Has broken me
The way you did.
I gave you the sword
And you slashed through my flesh.

Alenka H., 2021

I always survive.
I break and I fall,
I cry and I swear,
I beg and I pray,
I tumble and limp,
I hurt and I bleed.
No matter how far or how low,
how deep or how hard,
I always survive.
It is a curse.

Alenka H., 2021