Dragon’s Words

Words, written long ago or in the moment that just passed, carefully polished or done in a blink of an eye, while the feeling is fresh.

I’m not a poet, no. Writing is a way of healing, coping, surviving.

Some of poems were written recently, some decades ago. Many of them entered this world in my mother tongue that is quite different from English, having different structure, even some of features that don’t exist in most other languages. I do my best to translate those poems, but it can never sound the same. There are nuances of meanings, rhythm, taste… I can only hope the translation is good enough. It can never be perfect. But I’ve decided not to publish it in my mother tongue, I chose this blog instead. It will have to do.

Most of poems, if I may call them that at all, could probably be labeled as “love poems”, and yes, most of them are an expression of pain or hurt, longing, wishing, dreaming. Some are (mildly, in my opinion, but I acknowledge we have different criteria) erotic or sexual. If that is something you, Reader, find inappropriate or unwanted, you should know they are not specifically labeled or marked.

  • If I… would you?

    If I would take back all the words
    I have, timid, given to you,
    would you take away this pain
    that hurts from you, but it’s not yours?
    If I’d collect courage
    to, at least once, not run away,
    even when I know that dreams will never be,
    would you admit you are not here?

    Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

  • Your breathing

    Your breathing was not hiding
    what it was that you wanted
    as I came in…
    So I remained silent –
    I was listening to responses
    to my fingers
    that you pulled to yourself.
    As you were becoming hotter,
    flaming in my palms,
    I didn’t need anything else…
    Your breathing told me everything.

    Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

  • My tears

    They see my tears.
    Some turn away.
    Some shoot angry glares.
    Some just ignore.
    Some look at me with pity.
    Few try to console me.
    Nobody knows I cry for you.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • I’ve searched

    I’ve searched for you
    through many lives.
    So many futures
    to the past that we had.
    The promise of belonging
    is with me ’till every new death.
    Yet we do not meet.
    I sense your presence
    in tender dreams with no meaning,
    and when I wake up
    you leave me unwhole.
    Are you looking for me too?

    Alenka H., 2021

  • I grew

    I grew,
     I grew because of you.
    And by your side I became a small dot to hide
     inside you.
    I am, what I was,
     I was, what I am,
    But I am different
     because of you.
    Who are you,
     that I find myself in you
    and in you
     I loose myself?

    Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

  • I raised my head up

    I raised my head up,
    Hoping I…
    I can?
    I’m allowed to?
    I should?
    I have right to?
    I’ve lost my wings long ago.
    Now I’ve learned
    Even if I had them
    I could never fly away.
    I lowered my head.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Blindfolded

    You killed my sun
    And took away my moon.
    And when I still tried to go on
    In the stillness of night, by the stars,
    You blindfolded me.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Before it began

    My life has ended
    Before it began.
    I’m just a leftover.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Memories

    Memories of the times that never happened
    haunt me day and night.
    Their scent follows me
    and poisons every breath.
    I wish I never wished you.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • I used to

    I used to write poems.
    Now I just allow the words to sometimes dance
    a dance so beloved.
    And then I hide them, as if I’m afraid
    they would fade, that the dance would loose it’s charm…

    I used to speak them – the Words
    that I wanted to hear.
    Now I just listen, I eavesdrop on Silence
    that does not wish to tell me…

    I used not to dare.
    Now I don’t know how…

    Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

  • Never enough

    Fingertips can never be enough.
    My whole palms trace your body,
    Every inch and every curve,
    The valleys and hills
    Of my universe – you.
    You are inside me,
    But never as deep
    As I am in you,
    When I dive into your eyes.
    I let you in and I still need some more.
    I wanted too much…

    Alenka H., 2021

  • An empty shell

    I’m only a mask, fake,
    A twisted reflection,
    A lie, pretend,
    Because there is nothing in me
    That could be seen
    By anyone… anyone.
    I’m hollow, I’m dead,
    I’m showing the best
    And even that is just crap.
    There is no fire, no strength, no will,
    And I’ll never admit
    That the last remains I had
    I’ve given to you.
    I’m left an empty shell.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Embrace

    You hurt me again,
    your emptiness hurts me.
    You’d say: Why do you hold me again, then?
    And I would know: I never released you.
    I embrace you again and again,
    even though you are in my arms from the first time,
    again and again and again…
    and it hurts every time
    because my embrace remains empty.

    Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

  • Your home

    I’m empty and waiting
    For you to come home.
    I ache for your breath
    To cover my skin,
    My veins are too hot
    And I need you to calm me.
    Or maybe to burn me?
    I do not care.
    Just come.
    I am your home.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Look

    Look, when there wil be noone to admire,
    The sun will still be shining
    And the clouds will still love the sky.

    And look, when there will be no more sun to shine
    And when there will be no more clouds to love the sky,
    There will still be love
    In the endlessness of space,
    Looking for moments of happiness
    To embrace it
    In never-ending eternity.
    And there will be us,
    Looking for love
    To find happiness.

    But, look, when there won’t be
    Anyone to admire,
    Sun to shine,
    Clouds to love the sky,
    Love to embrace happiness
    And not even us,
    Look, this time will be really
    Empty.

    Alenka H., 1995-2005, translation

  • Where do we begin?

    Where do we begin?
    With gentle kiss on the cheek,
    Or passionate hold on hips?
    Or maybe somewhere in between,
    Skin on skin,
    Burning and ice cold
    At the same time?
    I reach out to you
    And you touch me inside.
    I gave you my body,
    You took my soul.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • You

    No-one ever
    Has broken me
    The way you did.
    I gave you the sword
    And you slashed through my flesh.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • It’s a curse

    I always survive.
    I break and I fall,
    I cry and I swear,
    I beg and I pray,
    I tumble and limp,
    I hurt and I bleed.
    No matter how far or how low,
    how deep or how hard,
    I always survive.
    It is a curse.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • Just…

    Just someone to listen
    While I cry.
    Sure, I’d love to be held,
    I crave for warm touch,
    But I know that’s too much,
    So it would be enough
    If someone would listen
    While I cry.

    Alenka H., 2021

  • I was used to pain

    I was used to pain.
    I didn’t want it, didn’t like it,
    I asked every day for it to be taken away.
    I asked for something, someone, some relief,
    I begged the universe to help me.
    I didn’t want it, didn’t like it,
    But I was used to it.
    What I wasn’t used to was having you.
    And that hurts even more.
    I didn’t know that all I asked for
    Would be just more pain.

    Alenka H., 2021