I saw a spark.
Remembering the smell of our fire
I closed my eyes,
never seeing
the spark was from a gun.

Will you ever visit my grave?

Alenka H., 2022

I closed my eyes
hoping it would silence
the sound of your betrayal
and the taste of my guilt.

Alenka H., 2022

I’m counting the grains of the sand in the desert,
each one is a kiss on your body.
I sift the drops in the sea between my fingers,
each one is a moment, when you’re in my thoughts.
With breathing of universe my love for you is expanding.
Every cloud in the sky, forming and disappearing,
is dreams of your touch.
How am I supposed not to groom this tree of our souls?

Alenka H., 2021, translation

I want to fall asleep
not to see or hear a thing
for as many years as it takes
for you to come my way.

And if you never do
that is alright too,
I don’t really mind
as long as I don’t wake up.

Alenka H., 2023

I’m saying a silent goodbye.
I’m sending you my last embrace,
my last kiss,
my last heartbeat for you.

May it keep you warm.
Even when I’m gone
it will stay with you,
a part of you

you won’t even notice.

Alenka H., 2021

I’m cold.
I sleep in my socks.
Why the hell don’t you come and warm me up???

You know I prefer to sleep naked.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

I dream us
on early summer mornings
when the breeze is still sweet and fresh
sitting on the stairs
each with a cup of black coffee
inhaling the rich air
and silent love between us.

I dream us
on cloudless nights
looking at the starts
making up stories about them
and waiting for shooting stars
to wish us another day together.

I dream us
on cold rainy evening
together under a blanket
perhaps talking, perhaps not
it does not really matter
because all we need is us.

I dream us
laughing at children and dogs and the birds
marvelling at the beauties
and soothing the thorns
and we reach out and touch
and life is good again.

I dream us
as they told me I shouldn’t
because only when I dream us
we are still alive
and our death is too much to bear
while we are still breathing .

Alenka H., 2023

Sail with me, beloved!

I poured myself into you
and your blossom smells by my side now.

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

The hunger that’s eating me,
The thirst that is draining me:
This longing for human touch
That I always craved oh so much.

Alenka H., 2023

Written as an answer to Diane Luise Davis‘s prompt in Poetry Therapy Group on FB. With her permisson I’m sharing her verse:

I am wondering if my friends are mad at me,
A thought that often comes up,
I don’t ever think they may be glad of me,
A thought that would fill joy’s cup.

Diane Luise Davis, Top of my mind

You saw even feelings as images.

I felt even images.

I wanted to write a letter to you.

But there is no you,
and there are no words.

Alenka H., 2022

Thank you for all the moments when thought of you made me less lonely.

And thank you for making me see how lonely I am.

Thank you for showing me hope.

And thank you for not encouraging it.

Thank you for all the sweet words.

And thank you for all the painful lessons I’ve learnt knowing you.

Thank you for allowing me be me.

And thank you for being you.

I cannot thank you for what was not… I wish I could.

Alenka H., 2023

Our love story was short,
ending almost before it began,
but that doesn’t make it any less real,
that doesn’t make it any less true.
Only a few lines, only a few words,
yet in those words all our hearts lived and died.
You were my lover for those few nights,
I was your mistress for those few days –
thank you, my love, for a heartbeat of us.

Alenka H., 2022

We could spend our days
smiling at each-other,
caressing our souls
with tender words and looks.
We could spend our time
sharing secrets of life,
celebrating each gentle touch
across the universe of love.
We could spend our lives
being thankful for each breath
that keeps us together,
’till the next birth.

We could.
We don’t.
We won’t.

Why?

Alenka H., 2021

     Sometimes in my mind

(quietly
(as if I am too shy
(well, I am
(because it is
as it is)
and I admit it)
and I am afraid)
and secretly)

     I say to you

     ”You know”

(even when I’m aware
(I know you this well
(do you still remember those times
(oh, If I could ever again
share them with you!)
and those places?)
and you know me)
you already know),

     ”I love you.”

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

It’s the sweetest of secrets
that my mmm
is for you.

Alenka H., 2022

Would we age together,
if we were given the time?
Would we walk side by side,
if we would have our place?

If we would be given a day,
would we make it eternal?
If we would be able to touch,
would we make it last?

I better not wonder,
I better not ask.
But something inside me
still hopes that we might.

Alenka H., 2021-2022

I’d paint us a heaven,
but you said “No, thanks”.
I offered my magic,
but you turned me down.
What more do you want?
There’s nothing a god
or the devil could give
that I don’t.
You know it.
I know it.
You still let me go.

Alenka H., 2021

Sometimes I’d like to ask you:
Do you think of her?
Is she with you, are you with her,
when you are with me?
Do you imagine it’s her mouth
that take you,
it’s her warmth
that makes you burn?
When the pleasure I give you
makes you close your eyes – do you see her?
I do not know her, I do not even know if she is,
yet I have an inkling: she has to be, certainly!

Alenka H., 2000-2010, translation

I’ll take what is left
of my heart,
I’ll melt it and make
a word out of it,
a line or a rhyme.
I’ll make it my gift,
a present for you.
I’ll wrap it in paper,
I’ll put a nice bow on it
and leave it on your doorstep.
Nobody will be able to steal it,
in any other hands it will
become dust.
But if you don’t take it
it will die at your feet.

Alenka H., 2022

I dreamt of you.

You didn’t say much.

You never do.

I’m the one talking, am I not?

So you didn’t say much, no…

How strangely real for a dream.

It was wonderful and it was sad.

It was lovely and it was bitter.

It was comforting and it hurt.

It was love and it was loneliness.

I dreamt of you.

And you didn’t say much.

Alenka H., 2023